Raindrops

It’s raining again. Unusually, the rain has been no reprieve for a solitary heart. I miss home and my family and my brother. Apparently 6 years does nothing to relieve the sudden yearning for home that waylays you when you least expect. When I was a young lad (younger than I am now anyhow) I used to think I feared nothing, knew what I wanted. I was always so sure of myself. Youth has its benefits in providing one with the irrefutable confidence in one’s own ability (whether rightly so, or otherwise). The funny thing is while experience is the best – albeit most costly – teacher, it’s also the one which sows that constant seed of doubt in your mind. I’m not quite sure whether it was naiveté that accorded a young man the degree of confidence I once had. Walking through the dodgiest neighbourhoods whistling a jolly tune at 1 in the morning was a normal occurrence. I’d walk a straight line through Redfern, climb fences and walk through backyards for the shortest route home. No care. That was circa 2006 though.

Three years down the track, and I walk around blind corners. I make myself as unobtrusive as possible when walking through Surry Hills (The unfashionable end) and of course Redfern. I shy away from Victoria Park and make sure the routes I take are well lighted. Am I afraid? I’m not quite sure. I wouldn’t say I’m quaking in my boots ...I suppose I’m just more risk adverse and alot more wary. Maybe it’s a genetic thing. People worry more when they get older. So whether experience is a “good” thing is pretty subjective I reckon. Perhaps the hardest bit about growing up is finding the ability to maintain your confidence in your abilities even after you’ve fallen down a couple of times. And yet draw on your experiences to tell you what an “appropriate” course of action would be in a given situation. Personally I enjoy reckless abandon for the very thrill it gives you. That rush of adrenaline on making a split second decision that can turn out the way you want it to. But there are some merits to a cold calculated approach and seeing the fruits of your meticulous labour – I guess I just like being proven right.

Nonetheless, we each have a preferred approach to life. One naturally more conservative and the other a slightly more liberal path...I only wish that I knew which would be – statistically speaking – the most successful. Is it worth the stress of planning? Or the stress of seeing a gamble *not* pay off. Worth pondering.