Vote for Change

Vote for change. That seems to be the resounding idea bouncing off the walls. Cries of Barack Obama ring through the rafters...but is there any substance behind such zealous backing? Don't get me wrong...I like Obama and his policies...but by and large I remain apathetic towards the results of the election. Admittedly I shouldn't be, considering the socio-economic impact America and its leader has towards the rest of the world.

What I do know (and that isn't very much) is that if McCain keels over and dies, the world will be staring down the barrel of "President Palin". And that in itself is a very scary thought. Not so much because she seems to be a McCain's attempt to sway Hillary voters, but rather because this is a lady who until 2006 did not have a passport, and until 2007 had never traveled outside of the United States. Does anyone really want someone so parochial and insular as the vice-leader (or God forbid *the* leader) of the most powerful nation in the world? A husband that works for Big Oil which - pardon my cynicism - but will probably hold some sway in the decision making process as to the future of commodities, and the preservation of our planet - which in case none of you have noticed is dying.

No, I am not a greenie/tree-hugging fanatic. I'm just one of the many individuals perplexed as to how anyone can hope for Senator McCain to set foot in the Oval Office, when his running mate is the same lady who, upon her first term as mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, fired the police chief and city librarian because she felt they did not support her efforts to govern the city. The case being brought to court, was thrown out because the judge presiding determined that Ms.Palin had, as mayor, the right to fire anyone for reasons political - or even no reason at all.

Such dictatorial rule somewhat flies in the face of democracy don't you think? Particularly in a country that prides itself on being the land of the free and the brave. This is the same lady backed by the National Rifle Association, that backed a bill allowing concealed firearms and styles herself as a "Moose Hunting Hockey Mom". Sorry darling, I'm not quite sure there are moose in D.C...maybe you could take some time off doing the important things like say - running the largest economy in the world to go gun down a moose...it'd look so fetching on the wall above the fireplace.

Does anybody think that a lady packing firearms, is sending a marginally wrong message to citizens in a country where gun related crime is the 8th highest in the world per capita? Does anyone actually want their child growing up saying "but Vice-President Palin shoots animals".

So she seems to be honest and aboveboard, having broken ranks a number of times when she felt the Republicans weren't doing their job honestly. Thats great. Admirable. Amazing. Shows a firm sense of conviction in her beliefs. Which can be a bad things as well, considering her propensity to back oil and natural gas mining industries despite the very real need for the world do discover an alternative, or at the very least reduce consumption.

Obama has made some mistakes in the past. Or maybe he's just better at hiding them. But the truth is, that no one man can truly run America. His ideas, his thoughts, they're all there for implementation by a team. Everyone needs a good team to run a country. Its not a soccer team where you worry about 15-25 individuals...and even then managers have a tough time. Its about a country of billions of people. And in this case, the impact on the world.

Does anyone really want a pitbull in a power suit to be the 2nd most powerful person in the world? Its just unbelievable! She epitomizes the classic provincial capitalist white anglo-saxon. It's as if the republicans took her out of a poster book to sway rich-white old America voters. Its a concerted attempt at manipulating the human psyche - and she just seems to be a great fall back plan - nothing too radical...just same 'ol stupidity

Courage

What is courage? I ask myself that question constantly. Do I have courage?

I suppose different people have different definitions for the loosely worded term. Personally I feel courage is when you have the guts to be true to yourself always. I'm not talking being stubborn and standing up for your beliefs without an inch of compromise. I'm saying the courage to believe in yourself. The courage to have faith in yourself and to not shortchange yourself.

Everyone is capable of great things. I suppose its whether you want to or not. I have this fear. This constant fear that I'm not living up to my own potential. So to mitigate this fear, I just don't allow myself to fail by not even giving myself the chance to. I don't do things I think I can, or take a risk on something I should because I'm afraid to fail. As a kid I played this one game where you tie a balloon on your leg and run around trying to burst other kids balloons. I hid in a corner and ran away. I didn't lose...but I didn't win either. I was just...the kid that didn't do anything. Even now, I do what I have to...but nothing more...because I don't want to let myself...or anybody else down.

Lately though, through various events I've realised theres no running from your destiny. Being afraid to fail doesn't mean you have an excuse to not live up to everything you can be. Acting like you don't care to reduce the hurt of failing doesn't mean you didn't fail. Life is a cruel, painful place. And the champions are rarely the smartest, most beautiful of people...but rather the failures who have the guts to stand up when they are hit, the tenacity to keep going no matter how many times they are brought to their knees. The strength to believe in themselves and trust in what they know...doing their best without fear of failure. And in their own right they become great.

Many of us fear greatness - I know I do. Only because the higher you climb, the harder you fall. And because I fear the fall, I'd rather not make the climb. But is that life? Do I give myself excuses...or do I just pick myself up and put one foot in front of the other, doing my best, hoping that I make good someday. I pray its the latter...because I still have alot to learn. You do your best...God does the rest. And that, is our Deepest Fear.

Our Deepest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.
~Marianne Williamson~

Nature vs Nurture

I read something interesting...which goes something along the lines of: Our nature defines us. Who we are by nature, defines what we do. However, through self-reflection and application of knowledge to "evolve" in a sense, redefines who we are. Thus, by changing our nature, we change how we essentially address any issue. A paradigm shift, if you will. But this is cyclical in nature, purely because what we do influences who we are. See what I'm getting at here? So while how we approach issues is defined by our intrinsic nature (i.e - analytical, impulsive, etc.etc), we essentially have a choice to define ourselves, because fundamentally what we do results in who we are - defining us - if you will.

I suppose its all mind over matter then. Do we say, "I'm just born this way?", or do we say, "I'm sick of being this way, I'd like a slice of that." My conclusion, is that attitude is everything. The earlier logical discourse breaks it down - we can become who we wish to be really. The human nature is a flexible thing. Not choosing, is also a choice. I guess thats why people read autobiographies of their heroes...to be just like them. And then hopefully emulate their success.

I gotta get that Warren Buffett book.

That Fine Line

This is going to be abit of a rambling one. A mate and I were chatting about women -as men do- and I noticed something interesting. A possible source of confusion between men and women as to the current status of their relationships. (There may be some generalization here...so don't start whipping out ur pitchforks and flaming stakes if I say something wrong.)

So to the question...is there a difference between dating and relationships? Personally, when I "date" someone, its a non-exclusive sorta thing until I ask her if she would like to start going out with me exclusively. (In a very old fashioned way I'd say, "eh...wanna go steady arr" Lol!)

Here is where opinion might differ slightly. When I'm dating someone (before exclusivity), I have no qualms seeing other women...just to get to know them. Sure...some of you out there might say "thats hedging your bets", some might say, "you're an asshole", some might say, "its insincere". But is it honestly a problem? I would never place an expectation that I actively decided to engage in on another person. More so if we weren't even exclusive. I don't have a problem with a girl i'm interested in seeing other men. If she finds someone else, then alls well and good, because it means there was someone better out there for her, and better she find him before we get together than be trapped in something she might be unhappy in, or be tempted to betrayal.

Thats what seeing other people before going exclusive does. It lets you see the world, to know that there are other people out there and that when you make the choice, its the right one. You don't just jump into a relationship and then bail after a couple months because you made a "mistake" . You won't make the mistake if you take your time and make sure you're getting into a right sorta relationship. It also gives you time to learn more about each other. How he copes when you're seeing other men. Does he fly into a jealous rage? How she copes when you talk to other girls. Does the green eyed monster appear? Does she get all clingy? Does she give you the cold shoulder? Or does she accept it as part of life, but clearly state that she's not playing games? Does she laugh and say ur a flirt?

A human reaction to adversity is always the clearest indicator of personality. Will she react in an absurd way? Or will she rationally address the issue, talking with you about it, knowing that as neither of you are exclusive its a perfectly normal thing to do - date. Its important because it tells you whether she's able to communicate with you and address important issues when they matter.

As opposed to complain to her girlfriends about it and then listen to all the advice in the universe and get all confused. What I hate is when friends become a major part of the equation. A relationship is me and you...not me, you and all your girlfriends. I would never do my girl the discourtesy of airing my dirty laundry in public. And I think a healthy relationship is only cultivated if we talk about the problems to each other. Not you (yes...thats all you women) telling your friends how I'm a lazy bum, or am always late, or am dirty (these are generalized terms la...i'm not that bad...I hope.)

Tell me instead. Say...ok...if you keep being late, I'm not going to bother turning up when we have dates anymore. Or if you don't clean up, I'm going to kick you out of the house. Tell me its irritating you, and you need/want me to do something about it. Don't gimme all the, "You should know". Yes...I know I should...but if I've lapsed...or forgotten...I occasionally need a good kick up the backside (Most men do anyway - but correct me if I'm wrong). Women and men are different...and what is clean to me...may be messy to you...so let me know what I'm doing wrong darling, cuz I ain't psychic.

In short a guy that starts telling you, you can't see anyone else after the 3rd date is psycho, and vice versa. Some girls however like the attention. And some guys who aren't good at showing it the way she wants are just gonna lose out. So tell us. Yes, I know its unorthodox, but its the bloody 21st century. Asking whether you're in it for fun and games, or the long-haul means everyone wins. You get what you're looking for....all you gotta do is ask. And then once you've determined what the expectations are you can work it from there. Personally i find that alot easier than sitting around trying to guess what the hecks going through that pretty little head of hers.

Yes, yes...I know not all women are like that...and yes, I know not all men are. But I'm just saying...undue expectation at the wrong time is just silly because its unfair, and also irrational, (not to mention slightly psycho). But its just an opinion. *cringes waiting for backlash*

Homeless

Couple of years ago, I stopped by Hyde park on Holy Thursday after mass at St. Mary's. I was young, impatient, angry and confused. Mass had calmed me down somewhat but there was something missing. Something hollow. As I sometimes do, I wandered about to clear my mind. I saw a bunch of homeless men playing chess by the benches. I'm not quite sure what it was that compelled me to walk over, but I did. They were disheveled, unkempt and ragged. Toothy grins and jaundiced. (Think Fagin from Oliver Twist). I sat down next to them and watched the chess game. I'll admit in some part of my mind I wondered if I'd get mugged, or beat up, or one of those morose scenarios.

They looked at me and kept playing.

The conversation was...surprising. It wasn't shallow drivel. Sometimes when you're with your friends you talk cock...and laugh and horse around. But it was deep conversation. There was religious dispute, "All religions are the same mate...they tell you to do good, regardless who you believe in." There was conspiracy theory, "Sonny Liston was big, like a bear! No way Ali could have knocked him out with one punch...the mafia was involved..." Politics, Human Interest, Finance, Economics anything...you name it. They were from all walks of life..Australian, German, Filipino. And they were bloody good at chess.

I tried my hand at a couple of games...I got outclassed of course, completely destroyed. But they wouldn't let me go till I won a game. Patiently they tutored me. Teaching me to think laterally...to see moves and steps ahead. I know its starting to sound like more idealistic drivel, but honestly right, these guys were brilliant! I was completely dumbfounded as to how they were homeless...I mean I know you're going to get good at chess if thats the only game you play all day, everyday, but they were well informed, surprisingly eloquent and managed to articulate their thoughts with clarity.

While I was struggling along against Ben (the Filipino dude - who was whupping me minus a rook and a bishop), The Australian bloke (I forget his name) got up and said, "Right...gotta head to the bottle-o (liquor shop)...won't be open tomorrow, public holiday." Quarter of an hour later he was back with wine in tow and steaming hot pizza...four slices. I was losing the next match against Chessmaster 2007 (the German guy - Fritz). When Ozzie bloke passed around the pizza. I looked at him with this puzzled expression, and he goes to me, "Eat up mate, its late, cold and you're never going to win if you don't have food in ya."

A homeless man was buying me dinner. I knew the guy for little more than 2 hours and he's bought me a slice of pizza without a second thought. He's clearly not the richest bloke on the block, I was decently dressed (Sunday best la...church marr), so he knew I wasn't homeless. But what takes me, is that they share what little they have amongst themselves and anyone they call friend.

I beat Ben a couple of games later, and they all laughed, gave me a pat on the back and went back to debating the current economic situation. I remember this clearly because Fritz commented on the commodities boom, the property bubble and how it would soon burst.

I sat there for close to 6 hours, till 12-ish...and time just flew by. There was interesting conversation, camaraderie, laughter among other things and acceptance. They always say don't judge a book by its cover, but sometimes you can't help but do so. That being said, one of my everlasting memories of Sydney will be the selflessness of that homeless man in offering me pizza. I took it. Now, now! Before you condemn me for mooching of a hobo, let me first say...every man has his pride. And even in the confines of a park, you want to be as hospitable as possible to your "guests".

How many people walk past them everyday throwing looks of disgust or pity their way? I guess sometimes you just want to be treated like a normal human. Without being patronizing, or condescending. As equals. Not all of them are there by choice. Extenuating circumstances and other factors contribute sometimes. And maybe I had the opportunity to meet the few who're exceptional. I still stop by sometimes, on my way to church and after. Or when I'm walking past Hyde park. I still get trounced at chess. But Ben's gone....noone knows where he is...and I hope he is fine wherever he is. Thank you for showing me that friendship is sometimes forged in even the most peculiar circumstance. And thank you for teaching me not to judge. May God keep you safe in his hands always.

Fix you

Age...Is it just a number? Or does it really have a bearing on how we see the world? Without a doubt, there is no substitute for experience. I’ve now been away from home for 5 years. That’s a long, long time - yet a heartbeat. I’ve learnt that there are certain things which are always better left unsaid and council kept to oneself is always the best kind. Dealing in absolutes is never a wise idea and writing off options is limiting your potential.

At 18 I refused to be drawn into the commercial aspect of the world. I believed all corporate were sellouts and “suits” were mercenary cutthroats. I revelled in literature, music and all sorts of artsy things. I wanted to be a journalist...and/or a musician. I dressed in t-shirts and torn jeans, jazzed away in bars and thought that a large salary was as irrelevant as a penthouse suite in the centre of the city (a hut by the sea being my preferred choice). My diet was quantity over quality (A kilo of rice over foie gras). I was looking for the perfect girl and wouldn’t stop till I found her...as a consequence I placed women on a pedestal – I couldn’t bring myself to say two words to a girl, let alone one I liked – and when I did, I just blurted things out non-stop at the speed of light without thinking...being nervous does that to a man.

At 21, I’m raring to head into the workforce. I’ve discovered the necessity of money and its undeniable allure. I enjoy dressing in ralph lauren and its preppy derivatives. I love the city and scrimp and save for one night at a fine dining establishment. I enjoy the company of woman without expectation for they are nothing more, just women...not goddesses. (There’s something refreshing about going out with a woman without wanting anything more save a good time) I wish I had an apartment in the middle of the city and staying in the country for anything longer than a week drives me insane. I crave the everyday workings of the stock market and the rush you get from brokering a great deal.

Three years. That’s all it’s been. Does that mean I’m not me any longer? I don’t think so. I can still rock out a jazzy number (I hope), I’m still looking for the perfect girl (although not so hard). I still crack lame jokes. I still eat an insane amount of food (1/2 a kilo of pasta for dinner). I like my grungy jeans. I still hope to stay in a hut by the sea...but only when I’m old and wrinkly and on holiday. I still love writing and find solace in it.

The only difference is I’ve added the tempered steel of realism to the silk of idealism. I still think many “suits” are corporate sell-outs, but money is necessary...financial stability is crucial and I loved nothing more than seeing my bank account increase in size (but then again...who doesn’t?). Being anti-establishment for the sake of it is pointless. The way you look doesn’t dictate who you are and the principles you stand for don’t have to be adhered to by everyone else. There is always another way.

Change is inevitable. Fighting it a refusal to accept that no one is perfect. Noone. I’m not sure if anybody can get up and say with certainty they would like to stay the way they are for the rest of their lives. Anyone who can has my utmost respect. But I know that change has to be conscious and for good. Sitting around saying “that’s just me” is one way of addressing the issue, it’s just probably not the most effective way.

Dr. Seuss said, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” “Don’t mind” however brings with it the connotation of tolerance. You tolerate your friends and your family...that’s what you do. It takes a true friend to tell you that you have a problem, and yet stay by your side. Whether you then choose to address the issue is completely personal...but to be honest if your best mate can tell you something’s wrong, something is probably not quite right. I’ve learnt that fixing a personality quirk or a character flaw is not selling-out, but more like getting an upgrade. Progress is always admirable...and it takes great courage to admit ones mistakes and strive to improve oneself.

I strive to fix my punctuality. There is no fashionably late – you’re either late or you aren’t.

My argumentative, opinionated nature. An opinion is just that – not everyone has to agree with you.

My desire to constantly have the last word. Something’s are better left unsaid for the greater good – A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.

Change can only come from within, and I refuse to change unless I see a reason for it. But if there is a legitimate cause and its for the betterment of myself. Why not? Nobody’s perfect. And a leopard can change its spots.