Fix you

Age...Is it just a number? Or does it really have a bearing on how we see the world? Without a doubt, there is no substitute for experience. I’ve now been away from home for 5 years. That’s a long, long time - yet a heartbeat. I’ve learnt that there are certain things which are always better left unsaid and council kept to oneself is always the best kind. Dealing in absolutes is never a wise idea and writing off options is limiting your potential.

At 18 I refused to be drawn into the commercial aspect of the world. I believed all corporate were sellouts and “suits” were mercenary cutthroats. I revelled in literature, music and all sorts of artsy things. I wanted to be a journalist...and/or a musician. I dressed in t-shirts and torn jeans, jazzed away in bars and thought that a large salary was as irrelevant as a penthouse suite in the centre of the city (a hut by the sea being my preferred choice). My diet was quantity over quality (A kilo of rice over foie gras). I was looking for the perfect girl and wouldn’t stop till I found her...as a consequence I placed women on a pedestal – I couldn’t bring myself to say two words to a girl, let alone one I liked – and when I did, I just blurted things out non-stop at the speed of light without thinking...being nervous does that to a man.

At 21, I’m raring to head into the workforce. I’ve discovered the necessity of money and its undeniable allure. I enjoy dressing in ralph lauren and its preppy derivatives. I love the city and scrimp and save for one night at a fine dining establishment. I enjoy the company of woman without expectation for they are nothing more, just women...not goddesses. (There’s something refreshing about going out with a woman without wanting anything more save a good time) I wish I had an apartment in the middle of the city and staying in the country for anything longer than a week drives me insane. I crave the everyday workings of the stock market and the rush you get from brokering a great deal.

Three years. That’s all it’s been. Does that mean I’m not me any longer? I don’t think so. I can still rock out a jazzy number (I hope), I’m still looking for the perfect girl (although not so hard). I still crack lame jokes. I still eat an insane amount of food (1/2 a kilo of pasta for dinner). I like my grungy jeans. I still hope to stay in a hut by the sea...but only when I’m old and wrinkly and on holiday. I still love writing and find solace in it.

The only difference is I’ve added the tempered steel of realism to the silk of idealism. I still think many “suits” are corporate sell-outs, but money is necessary...financial stability is crucial and I loved nothing more than seeing my bank account increase in size (but then again...who doesn’t?). Being anti-establishment for the sake of it is pointless. The way you look doesn’t dictate who you are and the principles you stand for don’t have to be adhered to by everyone else. There is always another way.

Change is inevitable. Fighting it a refusal to accept that no one is perfect. Noone. I’m not sure if anybody can get up and say with certainty they would like to stay the way they are for the rest of their lives. Anyone who can has my utmost respect. But I know that change has to be conscious and for good. Sitting around saying “that’s just me” is one way of addressing the issue, it’s just probably not the most effective way.

Dr. Seuss said, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” “Don’t mind” however brings with it the connotation of tolerance. You tolerate your friends and your family...that’s what you do. It takes a true friend to tell you that you have a problem, and yet stay by your side. Whether you then choose to address the issue is completely personal...but to be honest if your best mate can tell you something’s wrong, something is probably not quite right. I’ve learnt that fixing a personality quirk or a character flaw is not selling-out, but more like getting an upgrade. Progress is always admirable...and it takes great courage to admit ones mistakes and strive to improve oneself.

I strive to fix my punctuality. There is no fashionably late – you’re either late or you aren’t.

My argumentative, opinionated nature. An opinion is just that – not everyone has to agree with you.

My desire to constantly have the last word. Something’s are better left unsaid for the greater good – A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.

Change can only come from within, and I refuse to change unless I see a reason for it. But if there is a legitimate cause and its for the betterment of myself. Why not? Nobody’s perfect. And a leopard can change its spots.