8 Things I want about you

Because i've been tagged by Sherve-i'm-short-get-the-munchies-at-night-and complain-afterwards-i-won't-fit-into-my-dress. =p

I'm meant to specify what traits i find attractive in a woman. Specifically 8 =P So...here goes...


1. I'm a fairly simple bloke...I really don't ask for much from my woman. However, i'll say that without a doubt there has to be *some* degree of physical attraction between the 2 of us. I mean...honestly...noone would go out with someone they found extremely physically repulsive. (This is a broad generalisation, so u'll have to spare me). That being said, attraction is a completely subjective thing. One man's meat is another man's poison. And somewhere out there is a someone for everyone. (at least thats what i think =p)

2. This'll sound a little weird, but she's got to be candid with me. I mean....i hate it when women beat around the bush for something. If you want this top, or that scent for ur 1 week anniversary (the celebrations keep getting shorter) *tell* me, and i'll gladly oblige. I know ya'll gonna hit me with this massive barrage of "But if a man *reallY* loves me, he'll know *exactlY* what i want." Ladies, refer to post "worries" on sherves blog for further information on the issue. Tell me what u want, i'm not psychic.

So be candid...I appreciate candor. I like straight shooting women (not rude though), just women with the confidence to tell me i'm acting like an idiot/look like a fool/*sound gay* etc.etc. Theres a fine line though, extended abuse will serve to deflate my ego (which is essential to every man) and cause me to love you less =p. However, if i *really* like you, I’ll stick through it.

3. I like a fiery personality. To an extent of course...fiery doesn’t mean eat me alive. Fiery means being willing to stick up for urself. To not take the shit that I’ll inadvertedly dish our from time to time and call me out on the stuff I say, without being rude about it. Girls that know how to stick up for their rights without being in-your-face aggressive about it is something I find attractive in a woman. There are girls who pugnaciously dare you to disparage something they have an opinion on...then set off on this massive witch hunt to crucify. That ladies...is a major nono. Having an opinion is great...standing up for it, better. Killing all in ur path who don’t agree...not so good....

4. I like a girl who knows how to have a good time. Honestly, if she’s gonna tell me, “Right hun, tonight’s girls night out...i’m goin out to XYZ”. I really won’t have a problem...at all. Everyone needs alone time...or time with friends...its a fact of life. That doesn’t mean come home drunker than a sailor, swearing like a fishmonger and having no recollection of the previous hours events. Fun is fine...just not till the point of no return yea....Its really cool to hang out with someone who won’t mind doing “fun” stuff....fun being just the normal, silly things in life like trying to make an eiffel tower outta chips at burger king, without my girlfriend repeatedly destroying the base because she’d find it embarrassing...=p Also, if she can have fun without me and on her own...thats a MAJOR plus point, cuz then I get to spend time with the boys without feeling guilty. =D (Also, any girl tat knows how to have fun on her own has to be good fun with me anyway. =)

5. That being said, I’d like a girl who occasionally knows when to kick me in the head and tell me I’m being stupid. Down to earth girls are something I find particularly attractive, and its an admirable quality in any event. But please...please do not tell me off every other hour. Being my girlfriend does not extend to telling me to buy new clothes, or throw away my lucky shirt that I wear to all my teams’ matches because its old and has holes. I have my mother to do that for me thanks. =)

6. Also, Ladies that are intellectually on par with me are a good thing. (Its not too hard, I’m not the brightest bloke). Girls who look at me with a vacant eyed stare and have dust between the ears are possibly one of the most undesirable things ever. No exception. Hot bimbos are just eye fodder. Period. But don’t treat me like an idiot. Intellectually on par may also mean intellectually superior. But just because ur doing a course in Law, and I’m doing one in arts doesn’t mean beat me into the ground with ur clearly superior intellect every time we have a discussion. Discussion means just that....DISCUSS....Not Julian bashing. I know I’m stupid enough without having you rub it in.

7. Now women have to be understanding. When I say understanding, I mean about the important things in life. Like why I’m sitting in the corner crying because my team has just lost the Champions League Final. Or why I’m dancing on the table top because Australia has just won the World Cup (hey, a man can dream). Also, don’t laugh at me when I get passionate about my football and rugby. Sports are an integral part of a mans life, and will not be made fun of. =P You’re welcome to join me in watching...or in watching me play. But if my team is losing, (on both counts) I’d like a hug and a kiss thanks, not a condescending, “AWWWW....thats OK...better luck next time”. Not on.

8. Finally, a girl that understands me. Knows what I like to eat, knows what I like doing on most given days. Just knows me. Is caring without being overbearing, understanding without being condescending. A girl that tries hard to make me happy, and yet is secure and confident enough to know that I’d move mountains for her as well. A girl that trusts in me and knows that I will love her as much as I can and has the strength to believe in me.

Now I don’t expect the girl of my dreams to have all the traits. Heck I don’t expect the girl of my dreams to have *ANY* of these traits. Love is blind, and I’m really quite happy to walk around blind. As long as the girl loves me, and can accept me for who I am, while making me feel like I’m doing something for someone. I mean, I like doing stuff for women and being appreciated for it is a major plus point. If she loves me and all my crap, my quirks, idiosyncrasies...and lets me love her with all my heart. That’s enough. Because love overcomes all. =)

-The heart has reasons of which reason knows nothinga-

Fly by

Time just flies by. Its already the middle of the year. I've nearly finished a semester at uni...and i can't help but muse...what have i achieved? Its been a fun time...no doubt. I wake up when i please... i go to uni on a whim or fancy...at college we drink and make merry. But in the larger scheme of things, i haven't really made any progress as a human being. Or have i?

I'm disappointed that i haven't done more. That i haven't pushed myself to do the things i've been told i'm capable of. Dads often said...where better is possible, good is never enough. And everyday, reciting gong gong's mantra, "Today is a new day. Everyday in everyway, I am getting better and better". But am i? Academically...thats debatable. But in terms of character development...I'd like to think i have. Living at college has put so many temptations in my path i've had to be particularly diligent to ensure that i don't stumble into any potholes or pitfalls.

Yea...i know, i know...sounds like my usual idealistic drivel...But i find its good to search the soul once in awhile and dream about what u'd like ur personality to be like, were you perfect. Set the bar high, and even if u don't reach it you would have achieved alot. Without the bitterness of failure, how can one truly appreciate the sweetness of triumph? Success is never ending, defeat never final. One of the many things that Dads told me from time to time.

Over the last 6 months I have grown. To be a more responsible individual, aware of what i need to do. What can be done and what cannot. Its the choices we make that makes us the people we are. I'd like to think i've made the right choices that have been essential for my self edification and personal growth. I hope i have.

More mature? I'd like to think so. I head home in 3 weeks...i get to see my family again. I miss them alot. My brother's now 15. When i left home, he was 12. I couldn't stand the kid for a long time...but he made it no secret that he loved me. Words that touched my soul were, "kor...i wish i can be like you when i grow up." Am i an individual fit for my brother to model himself upon? incredibly flawed, marginally prejudiced, occasionally opiniated, obstinate...are these traits that i want my brother to have? Despite the way i treated him when he was a kid...i'm still his hero. Am i truly worthy of such adulation? Sometimes i'm glad i don't see enough of the kid...its time he made himself his own man. I know what its like to model urself on someone...and get constantly told ur never good enough. The endless yearning for approval...the perpetual desire to be better than you are...and as good as ur "model"

There are 2 reasons i constantly strive to be the best. One; So my brother has something good to model himself on. Two; So i can finally look my father in the eye and say "i'm at least half the man you are" and to have him pat me on the back and say, "Son...well done". Thats all i want to be. If i can be *halF* the man my father is, I'll be happy. Amid one recent angst filled-tear induced discussion amongst my old man and myself he asked me "Why are u like this?"
and my defiant reply was, "Because you are. Dad...to me you are perfect. Perfectly imperfect. U have ur flaws, but thats part of who u are...and I have modelled myself on u. I'm almost exactly like you dad...only in less extreme form. Ask anyone. I'm this way...because you are." 2nd time in my life i've seen my father cry. Mum pipes up and says, "Maybe you should start being you."

And today i ask myself that question. Am i me? Or am i just a performance? A facade to face the world? Who am i really? Its a question that i don't feel has an adequate answer as of yet. I live life for the moment. People ask me why I play everything by ear and take risks...Its so that i can find myself, for the person I am. That i can be my own man...and yet retain the qualities that i yearn for from my father. Resilience, single-minded determination, purpose, strength, foresight, Inspiration. My strength? Compassion....and passion. What they yield has yet to be seen.

Its been hard for me to constantly live up to my parents expectations...and my own gruelling evaluation. I'm a confident bloke...but maybe i need to kick back and give myself some credit once in awhile. Sometimes i'm happy for the kid that I'm not around. Get out of the shadow while u can kiddo...make ur own destiny. I'm not that great...take the good that u see in me...discard the bad. Trust me Jon...being a carbon copy is good...but overrated. =)

That being said, i stress them out alot. I'm intolerant of mum to a disgusting degree...But this time i go back it'll be different. I swear. I'll try me best to be good. I gotta learn how to give ground with her. When gong gong died, i regret forever that i never got to say sorry to him for shouting and being mean. And i never ever got to say goodbye in person, or tell him how much i really loved him. And i love mum too much...I never ever wanna regret anything about my relationship with my parents. Mum...I know u prolly aren't gonna be reading this, but I love you yea. I'll be better just watch. =)

My heart moves,
And i know deep down its time,
The winds of change are coming,
I strive to follow.

I ponder the streams of my life,
That ebb and flow,
The moon of existence that waxes and wanes,
With every passing month.

And everytime,
I feel i've hit rock bottom,
Theres light at the end of the tunnel,
Because a new day awakes and beckons.

And i soar once again,
On Eagle's wings,
Atop the thermals of subsistence,
Because i FlyBy...and Hope.

Briefly

Well...no updates for awhile...just been really busy. Last week had this heaps mad performance. It was awesome! I'm not one to gush about how good everyone was...but seriously, this was the first time i've been to a performance and said that *Everyone* was amazing. The skits were hilarious...the musical talent on display was just thrilling...everyone was just so good! Stunning...simply stunning. Pictures will be up if i get any soon. =) 2 nights of absolute fun, and we raised over 800 dollars for an african kid. So i feel good now. =D

College informal was on Wednesday the 31st. It was awesome! Over 700 people were there! Packed to the brim...we woulda earned about 1000 bucks at least, for renovations to the college bar. Dancing all night long...a few drinks...beautiful ladies. What more can one ask for? =p That being said, the ladies towards the end were getting abit aggressive. Sorta felt like a piece of meat at the butchers getting eyeballed by 2 housewives neither or whom will back down. Hectic stuff. Its embarrassing to post on blog la...=P But some of you will know what i'm talking about...=p Australian women...*snorts*.

And to top it all off, I pulled a massive all nighter on Tuesday to finish an accounting exercise assignment that was due on Wednesday....which i had stupidly forgot (i know, i know...my own fault) about till Tuesday Morning. Wasn't worth anything...just an exercise...but still. To top it all off, i had to study for an accounting exam on Friday. While fitting in all my training and other important things. Oh well...my choice. =) Where better is possible good is not enough...so time to start pushing myself.

On another note, just briefly, how many individuals are stoked about the World Cup starting next week? I know i am! =D Australia qualified, so i'm obviously really really looking forward to it. =) A question that begs to be answered though is, Am i Australian? I've spent more time in Australia than i have at home for the last 3 years or so. Only goin back for 3-4 weeks every 6 months.

Its a question that i've been asking myself quite seriously. I can never figure it out though. I feel Malaysian for sure...i miss everything about home...the culture, the food! (how i miss the food...) The people...my friends, just...everything about home. =) That being said, i love Australia as well. Socially it appeals to me. The values that they hold true are some that i find admirable. Contrary to the stereotypical asian culture of "getting ahead" (Watch I not stupid for example) otherwise identified as "kiasu", Australians are alot more laid back. Maybe you'd call them lazy...but i'd rather say that they're content with what they have. Sure, being content with ur lot in life means that progress is hard to come by. But sometimes progress isn't exactly positive. If you're happy, who cares!? Australians are loyal, unpretentious, hold friendship and the value of "mateship" very highly. Socially, they have impeccable etiquette, punctual (unlike Malaysians like myself), polite (at their best) and friendly.

That being said, this isn't a travel brochure promoting the "greatness" of australian culture. At its worst, australians are typically redneck...aggresive, ignorant, rude and racist. They're an incredibly insular people and can be xenophobic. They love their country very much, and dislike foreigners coming in and depriving locals of job oppotunities and other things.

I guess, after weighing the pros and the cons of it all, I've decided that no matter where i stay, as long as i'm happy...it won't really matter. I love home. But i love australia too. However, theres so much about home that i haven't seen, or been. How am i a true malaysian when i haven't visited the east coast of Peninsula malaysia ever? Yet been to all the states of Australia. Theres so much unfinished business i have in Malaysia. People i love, mum...dad...Jon. Friends i need, Aaron...Gabs...Zee, Daph, Jia, Viv. U lot know who you are. =) People i *have* to meet...Actually...person *sherve* i have to meet. (Serendipity...bah =p)

But where i reside in the near future depends entirely on where my parents choose to stay. Dad hasn't been feeling well lately, and a change of weather would be good for him. He's no spring chicken any more. If they go. Then I go. But theres so much to do...yet so little time. It only seemed like yesterday my parents decided to send me off to boarding school. My brothers grown up without me there to watch his back...and inevitably some friendships have been strained.

I see my life panning out before my very eyes...and sadly i'm not liking the way its looking. What am i doing with my life...I'm not being particularly diligent in my studies...and i can't see myself confined to some office 9-5. I love my sport, but pro? Too hard...short shelf life, and chance of making it...tiny. Colts is fun enough as it is. =) So i've decided. If i fail academically next semester...Music is where i'm going. I'm gonna have to talk to dad...and see what i can work out. Music's always been my passion. Maybe i'll graduate...*then* pursue music...so many options...so many permutations. I don't know...its really confusing. Life isn't easy...but the people you love always make it easier. =)

**edit**
Went for dinner and came across a really good keyboardist playing at the pub! wasn't that he had really good chops are sound...he just loved it! The band was goin off...and at that moment...i really just wished that was me...Coincidence? Non... =)