Music from the Soul

Music is indeed an integral part of my life. To have eyes but not to see is the biggest calamity, so said Florence Nightingale. But to have ears, and not appreciate the music around us...that is a travesty more so.

I was sorta digging through my albums the other day, (on my computer la...who buys CD's anymore...=P) and i found a song which i hadn't listened to in a long long time. Its without a doubt, one of my favourite songs and the lyrics to the song i find particularly poignant. The Calling's "Wherever You Will Go". Why?

Well...personally i feel its because its a song that reflects my emotions and attitudes towards life. Its brimming with naivete and the innocence of friendship or love...whichever way you choose to look at it. It hints at unrequited love...but a dogged persistance and the air of determination induced by the lyricist creates an indelible indent on the soul.

The song intimates a failed relationship due to mitigating circumstances...and the writer is melancholically reminicisant. However, not bitter. He (i''ll asumme its a he) is unusually confident in the fact that somehow, somewhere, he'll find a way back to her. Its not so much that he's perfect for her...more the fact that he *knows* they're perfect for one another. He worries for her...and the lyrics suggest that they're more than miles apart. But he's willing to wait. With the dogged resilience that is characterized throughout the soulful singing and lyrics, he has his regrets...but its not so much mistakes made...more the fact he wishes that she never left...and that he never let her go. Indeed, he wishes...he could go..."wherever you will go".

The Calling: Wherever You Will Go

So lately, been wondering
Who will be there to take my place
When I'm gone you'll need love
To light the shadows on your face
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all
Then between the sand and stone
Could you make it on your own

CHORUS
If I could, then I would
I'd go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go

And maybe, I'll find out
A way to make it back someday
To watch you, to guide you
Through the darkest of your days
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all
Then I hope there's someone out there
Who can bring me back to you

CHORUS
If I could, then I would
I'd go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go

BRIDGE
Run away with my heart
Run away with my hope
Run away with my love

I know now, just quite how
My life and love might still go on
In your heart, in your mind
I'll stay with you for all of time

CHORUS
If I could, then I would
I'd go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go

If I could turn back time
I'll go wherever you will go
If I could make you mine
I'll go wherever you will go
I'll go wherever you will go

Ideally, this is the situation i wanna find myself in. Not the broken relationship la...more the acceptance...the resilience...and Hope. Cuz Hope is what drives us from day to day...and lifts us up, to soar on the thermals of Love. =)

Annoyed

At the moment it would not be inaccurate to say that i am NOT a happy camper AT ALL! A myriad of annoying things have happened this week...and that really shits me. Yesterday was a great day actually, the only silver lining in my otherwise gloomy and overcast life. Good that is till Arsenal lost the Champions League final...oh well...shit happens, theres always next year (prays that Henry won't leave).

Other than that, i seem to be coming to terms with a number of my inadequacies...I suck at math...Dear Lord how i hate numbers...those despicable things suck the joy out of my life...and theres nothing I can do about it seeing as the majority of my course is dominated by...guess what! NUMBERS! Why you ask? Well...to cut a long story short, dad wasn't too keen on my doing journalism, and hey...he IS paying for it after all...so i really don't wanna argue with the old man. Suffer for 3 years, then i'm just gonna go nuts.

I've actually contemplated either:
i) doing sports competitively, i.e playing rugby league/union for a club (we both know i'm better than you ahmed =P) but i justneed to put on several thousand kilos of weight on....being fast isn't quite enough in this game. (sure, heart counts for some...but it does help if ur bigger than the other bloke).
or ii) playing music professionally, which is the more feasible option (of the 2 ridiculous ideas). I hate it how i can't read the music...i hate it how i suck at theory and yet am too lazy to learn. And most of all, i hate it how Monique keeps saying i'm good enough to make it, and yet i can't do a damn thing about it because my parents don't approve. Why oh why am i so damn filial? One of these days i swear i'm just gonna explode and do whatever it is i wanna do, without giving a flying fish what my parents think.

My body is in an otherwise wrecked condition...sore back, sore shin, sore metatarsal...ruck marks left right and centre...its all part of the game, but u reckon they'd be slightly more gentle with the little asian. =P Bah...i give as good as i get anyway...so what am i complaining about...just an outlet for my frustration la...its annoying having to strap up a million things everytime i go out to play or train...sometimes i feel like i'm held together with strapping tape. =P

On another note, ive recently become addicted to a number of songs...and the sad part is when i get addicted to songs, i dont listen to anything else other than those. Which means i've been listening to the same 2 songs for the last 72 hours or so. On repeat. Same 2 songs. Which is now just one. Marc Cohn is a good good musician. =)

Well...i'm off to training...on an ending note...i've been thinking for the last few days, (thanks to you stephaine) why oh why havent i been involved in a relationship? Fear? Commitment issues? Thats what i keep telling myself...i wonder if i'll ever muster up the balls to go through with it eventually. But like i said...gotta find that one elusive woman that makes me tick. She's out there...i just gotta grab a hold of her. =)

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edit: THIS IS BULL!!! I did NOT just bloody fail my accounts! ARGFGDHHHHHH!!!!!! dammit! This ANGERS me! This day CANNOT get ANY worse... DAMMIT!! AUSUHSIUFHSC:OIS:OIDDAUHOUSAhfdushho;uSD;OHUFAIUHFD;IUSAHFSD;!!!!!

Love and hate

I found this particularly interesting...a friend of mine blogged that love and hate come hand in hand. And i must say i have to agree...to a point anyway. I wouldn't go so far as to say love is hate and hate is love. But rather heartbreak follows love around like a puppy dog nipping at its heels. When you turn around to pet it, it may bite you in the arm...But the funny thing is, love actually is everything that its cut out to be.

Thats why people are cynical about it. Its actually worth fighting for, being brave for. Its a huge risk, but its worth risking everything for. And the trouble is if you don't risk everything...you risk even more. You raise all the "what if's" all the "maybes". Personally i've never experienced Love in its truest form. But if even infatuation, (which is a precursor to "love" u might say) induces such a flux of emotion, ranging from euphoria to devastation...what more love.

The logic applied here was that love is an immediate precursor to hate...since love precedes hate in the event a relationship turns sour. However, i am of the personal opinion that no couple should engage in a relationship if they aren't ready for it.

Personally, i think the best way to live life is in the present. Forget planning for the future. Theres no point. It may be slightly altruistic to suggest, "que sera sera" what will be will be...however, thats all there is to it. I'm not going into a relationship praying for forever...it gives you wayyy too much false hope. And the higher you climb...or the more expectation you place on something, the harder and the more painful the fall. But on the flipside theres no point going into a relationship thinking that its inevitably going to fail, what would be the point right?

My outlook on a relationship is that, theres no point going out and test driving every "model" you think will be a good option. Pick your relationships carefully...and get to know the person well...and if you accept their faults, inadequacies and idiosyncracies...go for it. It may be easy for me to say "go for it" in lieu of the view that i've never been in a relationship, but thats what makes it great, I have no fear of the unknown. Its human nature to approach the unknown with a deep sense of trepidation, but if u dive right in...the water may not be as cold as it seems.

You can't expect ur better half to be perfect. There are things that if you can accept, you should. If forever doesn't happen... have a good cry, move on and cherish the memories, because they are the most beautiful posessions one can take away from any realtionship. And if forever DOES (somehow) happen...then cherish it like ur most treasured possesion. Because forever hardly happens. And when it does, grasp it with both hands, tightly, and never let go...

"Find someone to love...and when you do, live everyday as though it were your last."-Alfie

I know...i know

Yes, yes, i know that the lot of you want pictures of the "Bad Taste Cruise" but be patient alright...it takes time to accumulate pictures...its hard to find ANY pictures at a Bad Taste Cruise let alone good pictures...oh sod it...Just hold on abit alright...there will be pictures coming up soon, be patient. As of now, just a few brief ones of St. Patricks Formal night...Unfortunately, most of the pictures with me are in my dates camera, so these are just casual pictures of everyone. One of the pics of me and a bunch of mates (that was on some random camera). Yes, i know black and white is boring, but freshers get bathed in beer at the end of the night...wasn't too keen on getting drenched. And yes...i did have to go to formal in that damned haircut...=p
Thats the College dining Hall all candled up on the night...with a mad ice-carving made up all compliments of the kitchen.Thats the ice-carving of a Shamrock/Clover, Symbol of Ireland...which was the theme for the night.
Alysha and Alyson showing the shamrock some sisterly love. =)

Trusty, the fag, thought it'd be funny to "dress up" for the night...LOL! =p

And some eye candy for the lads...a few of the ladies that go to college. Gotta go for training now...will upload later. cyaz =)

Women...

Women...are unusual creatures. Much more complicated than men. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m an idiot with the proficiency of a 10 year old. (clearly my marks at university are reflective as such.) But...nothing on this planet could have prepared man for the advent of woman. (now now ladies...settle down...post just started...)

When God decided to take a rib off Adam, I’m pretty sure he wasn’t protesting...we men are generous blokes...donating a body part isn’t much of a problem. (Australians LOVE swapping body parts...does saliva count as a part?) Sorry...that was outta line. =p At any rate...my frustration is with women...why do they have to be so darn....different? Its like having a new toy that u really really like...and u really really wanna play with it...the only thing is that if u push the wrong buttons in all likeliness it'll break...your arm..or whatever offended it. Most of the time its the mouth...somehow my foot always ends up in there...talk about new age surgery...speak to a woman and it inadvertedly ends up there. Can be embaressing...

Now I may generalize marginally when I say this, but I’m allowed to since I’m talking about men...generalize about women and I’d get mob lynched...(yes yes...I know...Male Chauvinist Pig...so “stew” me...=p) Now, men all over the world, tall, short, fat, thin, black, white, yellow, brown or blue are the same. Its true...we are...there are only 3 parts to the male brain which I will attempt to explain best as I can:

1)Sports: That’s a no brainer...a guy that doesn’t love sports...well...i’ve never met one...even the most unathletic of us loves sport (if only to visit the pub...or in Malaysia the mamak with a bunch of kakis)

2)Alcohol: This one...even more self-explanatory...i’ll admit that not all men love alcohol, or getting drunk (I’m one of them...the getting drunk part at any rate) but alcohol is pretty much a big part of our thinking facilities. Every man has a favourite alcoholic drink...this is a truth that cannot be refuted...and that’s why alcohol constitutes thinking...we need to think about our favourite drink and what it is...so that when the inevitable question, “So...what do u drink?” comes along it can be answered with a smug, “Well you know, I don’t mind a good old tiger if I’m feeling a bit under the wind, but Johnny Black will be fine. If I feel like splashing out then there’s Johnny Green but hey, any alcohol is good eh? *insert fake laugh*” (Tiring work fabrication is)

3) Women: Now as much as we find them complicating, we love(need) em. Men love women...it’s as easy as that...no two ways about it. We can’t live without em...not entirely sure I can live with them but...ok I better not say anymore...yet (*looks around fearfully for perennial woman with rolling pin*). Women complete us...where we have a biological incapacity to lift up the toilet seat (do u know how HARD that is!) and keeping a general state of tidiness, women are the opposite. They NEED cleanliness...apparently cleanliness is next to Godliness...clearly women are closer to God than men. (And even if they don’t NEED cleanliness, a woman’s “dirty” is a man’s “clean” different standards u see)

Now why do we love(need) women? Its simple...they do things we won’t...no sane man will clean house (till he knows his mothers coming to visit...thats when the garbage man has a field day) they worry about things we don’t care about (such as money...and clothes...while we just worry about how our football team’s doing) and most importantly...if they love us...they stick with us through all the nonsense we make them endure. Or so I’ve been told...I’d like to believe this one...ever seen a physically unattractive man with a woman who has ur eyes burning out the back of your head? Some endearing quality here no doubt. Please factor in Mick Jagger effect (explained in earlier post)

They aren’t as fickle as us...and they love us for who we are...men on the other hand are capricious bastards who think nothing of throwing away women like the next chocolate wrapper as soon as she has exceeded her used by date. I’ve never been in a relationship in my life...so I can’t really be lumped into the target demographic, but I’ll freely admit that an attractive woman has a lot more staying power than a girl u find “cute”. Hey, hey! Put down the knives! At least I’m being honest...please refer to aforementioned earlier post for clarification on attractiveness before you crucify an innocent man. Women are everything we are not....which means caring, loving, clean...faithful and above all...they actually have sex with us...I mean...what would we do without them? =P (Although i must admit that if they just shut up shop the human race would cease to perpetuate...talk about no pressure...explains why they still do it =P)

Now to any who disagree, men aren’t always faithful since we have a genetic predisposition to sow our wild oats as far and wide as possible thereby ensuring the continuation of our lineage. And, men are caring and loving only enough to make YOU caring and loving...when you’ve fallen for the “sweety pies” and “Honey Bunches” or whatever the slang is nowadays for “ur my girl” they let you do the caring and loving for them. Which women love to do anyway since they’ve got more than enough love to share...that’s what I love about em...complicated as an engineering problem with chemistry thrown in to match, explains why we men can never understand the physics of women. But by and large women are feisty (when annoyed), but good hearted. An irrepressible generosity, usually above average intelligence (the average being males) and A LOT of love to share around complete the mocktail mix (alcoholic or otherwise...they’re never the same) that is woman...And that’s why we love them.

Now, you’ve probably noticed that I haven’t said why I find women complicating...well because I can’t...they’re just so complicating it’s too complicated to explain. Their complexities complicate the innate complications that they complicate. (oooh headache). I’ve just kind of accepted the fact that every woman is different and a unique roller coaster ride in her own right...woman aren’t like exams...u can’t prepare for them, and u can’t EVER solve their eternal mystery...I guess all we can do is try (inadequately of course) to love them heart, mind and soul...ahhh women...u (think u)know one...2 billion to go. =)

Couldn't resist...

Lol! Its been a long long night..but somehow i just couldn't resist. Adeline (a good friend of mine) is contemplating going to a residential college (or hall of residence)...and there i've just blogged about the insanity that pervades the very soul of College life. But hey...you gotta love it. =)
At any rate, i'll just let the pictures do the talking...Here's Scraps (how he got his nickname is another story), a mate of mine passed out on the floor after drowning his sorrows due to aforementioned rugby game. (see earlier post)

In case you're wondering what that is...think Bruce Almighty...only in real life. =P Ahh...the effort we put in to play pranks on our college mates is amazing. (weren't enough post-its so we made do with newspaper)

And i'll end the post with pictures of all of us getting "initiated" with our fresher haircuts...You know...its just a beautifully vicious cycle...we get to torture next years freshers. So really...i can't wait =P (And yes...we actually had to walk around Uni like that for a week and abit...the response was...entertaining=p)
Yes...that does say what you think it says. (We go to alot of the same lectures...and when u walk in late..and have to sit up the front...and the whole hall gets to see ur colourfully worded...head...provides comic relief u understand =P)

Now this is Pat...a member of Australia's Under 19 Rugby Team...its also 3 days before the u-19 world cup. As such, a makeover...was clearly in order...(He shaved ALL the hair on one side of his body...and i mean ALL...)Yes...that is a penis...and it does spit if stroked. (wait..that came out wrong...)

Thats part of "The Dail" the college bar...where the butchering was done. Thats me in the green up the back waiting for my turn. (wondering how to escape...abit hard to do when there a vicious seniors around wielding razors...how else do u think they got us so bald...)

And i'll end with my head...apparently it was a "Mr T" (from the A Team...i was meant to be him...only with less bling) and yes...i'm bleeding...and yes...it did sting...All that said, it was a fun experience...and brought us together as a group slightly more. (Hey...strength in numbers...uni's not so fun when u look like a retard & still bleeding from 12 places the next day)

Till next time...more updates on college life. =P

Bare...just a little...

My blog seems to be getting a little bare...so i thought i'd just learn how to post a few pictures of me and my life in Sydney...*WARNING! Some images may be marginally disturbing!* (Funny though)

Thats my residential college in the University of Sydney, St. John's College. Looks like something out of a movie...and its amazing to actually live in one. (Not so much the ambience, but more the tradition and way of life here)

Thats a party we had during orientation week...suffice to say there was much alcohol and close to everyone was shit faced. Fun though. =P (Thats the back of college and those are the playing fields yonder.)












Thats me (i'm the only asian...how hard is it to pick me out =P) and a few mates just chilling having a few beers. Sometimes life at college is just one big party...its unsettling. Its almost as if university is auxilary to college...when it should really be the other way round...but we don't think much when we're having fun and sculling beer bongs. On that note, i'll leave to do some work...mid semesters tommorow. Next up...freshmen haircuts and bad taste cruises...stay tuned for images that will have you splitting ur sides with laughter. (just a little sneak preview)

Thats me and Daphne (one of my best mates from home). Incidentally, she's in sydney as well...but anyway, thats me before....my haircut.
















And this is the aftermath of a good ol senior ragging session...what can i say...college. =)

Ahhh...life plays funny tricks on us

Don't you just hate it when life plays funny tricks on you? I mean...we know that its good for you to wake up early and sleep early...but everyone inevitable sleeps late and gets up later *raises hand in shame* usually around the region of lunchtime. Makes the clock a little screwed. Unfortunately for me, all my tutorials are on Friday. Clearly this means that i have NO motivation whatsoever to go to Uni other than to attend tutorials...as a consequence, i don't attend uni till Friday...how shithouse is that...unbelievable.

On a slightly more upbeat note, its that magical time of the year where romances fall apart. (Yes, you heard me...romance falls apart) Clearly, this means that my previous post about "I'd do it all over again" has just been rendered obsolete...all in the space of 3 grand weeks...or less. Now before you lot start judging me as a fickle bastard, let me just say that i'm not exactly big on the commitment. And sad as it is, i'll admit that i'm particularly skeptical about Love in general....No no! Don't get me wrong...i'll be the first to admit that the sight of a couple intoxicated on the fruits of Cupids labour is easily one of the most beautiful sights in the known universe.

BUT...i have yet to experience it (i mean...short bouts of infatuation are fine...but after 4 months...it gets old.) And after awhile, all the "Classic Symptons" start wearing thin and u think...gee...love really is cut out to be everything it is...but u realise...that with every high experienced, there has to be a low. Its inevitable. Absolutely inevitable. Its not something that you can control or manipulate. Love is followed by heartbreak. Such is the natural order of things. I mean...even the most perfect of relationships have their moments. (Unless of course the poor guy lets the girl trod all over him, at which point its ok...=p) Love is a funny, fickle thing...Hugh Grant was right...it is all around us...much like riches and alcohol...but we just need to do the right things to get it. Clearly i'm doing something wrong. Anyone willing to sport a crash course in "Falling in Love 101"? (Contact me if you do)

Other than that, there seems to have been no major controversy in the world as of late...I mean, theres nothing short of a million shocking incidents which i am SURE are taking place in the world at the moment...unfortunately we can't worry about everything...thats not the way things work. It just isn't. Such is life. I know theres the whole post-modern philosophical approach of "is life even real"? Good ol' Descartes and his "I think therefore i am" (the idea he was implying was that the only thing he could be truly sure existed was himself...and everything else could just be an illusion) theories. Sometimes asking too many questions just gives u a massive migraine. Personally (and yes, i do know that it is marginally idealistic) but, I say that in life, there are certain things you have to accept, or you'll just never ever be content with your lot in life.

Parents will tell you "thats the problem with the younger generation...no fire in their belly" but all they want to see is you in a better position than them. But what if i don't want to be better off than them? What if my idea of "better" is living my life as a fisherman on the beach, fishing my days away, swimming in the ocean, completely self-sufficient and loving it? It may be a rather westernised way of thinking, that my kids will make their decisions for themselves, and they'll do what they wanna do...but asian culture is intrinsically linked to parents having a responsibility to provide "whats best for the children". But "best" is just a parents perception of "best" may not be the childs. Arghhh!!! So confusing...to do...or not to do...(see what i mean...questions actually do give u headaches). I'll just accept...that all parents are the way they are...and all kids are the way they are (what u are witnessing now folks, is the ancient act of escapism). I just wanna kick back, enjoy uni...play my rugby...and live life a happy, albeit rather lazy, individual...thats what i reckon is the best part about it. Ahhhhh....acceptance...gotta love it. =)